The last couple weeks have been, well... rough. I'm not going to go into detail and I don't want anyone worrying about me. I am fine. Life just really sucks sometimes, as we all know.
I've been afraid for this.
For a while, I've been one of those casual disciples who is stuck going through the motions. I'd attend church meetings, teach my most adorable Beehives, pay my tithing, say family prayers etc. and I'd also allowed my testimony and conviction of the Gospel to slide. Meanwhile, because of where I was at spiritually, I was afraid of my own upcoming, yet unknown, 'come to Jesus' moment. I really felt like I needed (but definitely didn't
want) something to zap me into gear. {
why couldn't i get my own butt into gear myself? That would have been much easier, right?} Anyway, I knew I couldn't stay, as Elder Maxwell put it, a
casual disciple forever and I was afraid for what my Heavenly Father had in store for me.
Am I really one of those Laman & Lemuel types who has to constantly be reminded of the truth and be shocked (luckily just figuratively) into shape? Gosh, It makes me wonder what blessings and inspiration I've passed up because my laziness in the gospel had taken center stage.
So here I am, shocked and humbled because of the unfortunate situation I find myself in. Like I said, it SUCKS, like really really bad. But it feels good to say that I am no longer in the church rut. It feels so fabulous, even amidst the darkness of my situation, to have the gospel in my life and to have all it's miraculous tools at my fingertips. I can't tell you how many times in just the last week that the scriptures have answered my own personal questions. MY questions. I mean, isn't that amazing? What else is amazing are the angels that God has put on this earth for our benefit. I can't tell you how amazing my friends and family are. Really, how did I get this lucky?
I know I sound cheesy, really cheesy. Especially to those who are always in-tune and on-board or to those that are on the opposite end. But I felt somewhat inspired to record this on my blog (maybe just for when I print my blog book for my kids to read).
Heavenly Father is real. He KNOWS us and LOVES us. He can bless us beyond our wildest imaginations. He can give us the strength we never thought we had. He is the giver of all things grand and the only provider of true peace. Today I am grateful for the gift I have just rediscovered, the gospel and all it's perks.
And I will be fine; this too shall pass, right?
