11.11.2011

Casual Disciple

The last couple weeks have been, well... rough. I'm not going to go into detail and I don't want anyone worrying about me. I am fine. Life just really sucks sometimes, as we all know.

I've been afraid for this.
For a while, I've been one of those casual disciples who is stuck going through the motions. I'd attend church meetings, teach my most adorable Beehives, pay my tithing, say family prayers etc. and I'd also allowed my testimony and conviction of the Gospel to slide. Meanwhile, because of where I was at spiritually, I was afraid of my own upcoming, yet unknown, 'come to Jesus' moment. I really felt like I needed (but definitely didn't want) something to zap me into gear. {why couldn't i get my own butt into gear myself? That would have been much easier, right?} Anyway, I knew I couldn't stay, as Elder Maxwell put it, a casual disciple forever and I was afraid for what my Heavenly Father had in store for me.

 Am I really one of those Laman & Lemuel types who has to constantly be reminded of the truth and be shocked (luckily just figuratively) into shape? Gosh, It makes me wonder what blessings and inspiration I've passed up because my laziness in the gospel had taken center stage.

So here I am, shocked and humbled because of the unfortunate situation I find myself in. Like I said, it SUCKS, like really really bad. But it feels good to say that I am no longer in the church rut. It feels so fabulous, even amidst the darkness of my situation, to have the gospel in my life and to have all it's miraculous tools at my fingertips. I can't tell you how many times in just the last week that the scriptures have answered my own personal questions. MY questions. I mean, isn't that amazing? What else is amazing are the angels that God has put on this earth for our benefit. I can't tell you how amazing my friends and family are. Really, how did I get this lucky?

I know I sound cheesy, really cheesy. Especially to those who are always in-tune and on-board or to those that are on the opposite end. But I felt somewhat inspired to record this on my blog (maybe just for when I print my blog book for my kids to read).

Heavenly Father is real. He KNOWS us and LOVES us. He can bless us beyond our wildest imaginations. He can give us the strength we never thought we had. He is the giver of all things grand and the only provider of true peace. Today I am grateful for the gift I have just rediscovered, the gospel and all it's perks.

And I will be fine; this too shall pass, right?

7 comments:

Kelly E. said...

I here you on all levels!! Just know that there are others thinking and praying about you as well. I don't know what you're having to deal with, but you're so darn right when you say that Heavenly Father is there! Always. I have been amazed in the past at how close he is even when we think you are alone. Hang in there jami! Hugs to you from Utah! Love you and your family like crazy!

Rachel Lovato said...

Hey girl. Sorry if you are having a rough time..but I am happy that you have found some comfort during it. Just know I love ya and am thinking about you!

Janet said...

So sorry you are going through a rough time. I feel the same as you- I swear this is the lesson of my life! I have totally felt the love and support available to me when there is no where else to turn more than once, yet I don't do what I need to in order to keep it with me always unless I get a kick in the butt by something hard! Sending hugs and prayers your way.

Foster Mom said...

i have a blog post quite similar to this one in the works...i've even used the phrase "come to jesus moment" I'm glad you posted this. I'm sorry you are so far away from your fam and friends!! Love ya!

M. Du Bois said...

I love you, Jami.
Let me know if I can ever help you

Sister du Bois

Scarlett said...

Jami. Wow. That is exactly how I had been feeling this past year. Our trials come for a reason, and as much as they suck, I am glad I have them. We would never learn and grow without them. You are an amazing person, and I hope whatever you are going through will get better soon. Sending lots of love your way!

P.S. I know it's sometimes hard to open up about things that are going on in your life. For all sorts of reasons. I was like that for a long time with my trial I am facing right now. But when I finally started talking about it, I learned that the love, support, and prayers I received from people have helped ease the pain. Not that I'm saying you need to tell everyone what you're going through, sometimes it's just easier to get through things when you have that added support. Just thought I would put it out there. :)

Alicia said...

I think you are so great for posting this. I love your testimony and can feel the real you shining through.
Sorry for whatever you are going through, but I love you.