Dear Ben

This has been quite the whirlwind of a week. Your long-anticipated arrival came early and, as it's not completely ideal, we couldn't be more thrilled.
I am so in love with you already. We have spent so much one-on-one time together and it has been a gift. I've loved every moment.
You came around 5 weeks early (still not 100% sure about the timing) to everyone's surprise. Your brother and sister were "term babies" so having my water break at only 35ish weeks was shocking.
The night before you were born was a warm and rainy Wednesday night. Daddy was gone on OB call at the hospital. I had worked doing hair a lot of that day and the day before and was tired and not feeling great. Mommy and Addi ran errands while Tolman was at scouts. When we got home and were settled with both kids in bed, I watched Big Brother (BEST. season. EVER!), cleaned up and did laundry. I kind of left everything half-done with the intent of finishing the next day because I had nothing going on- or so I thought. You had different plans.
It was 5 am the next morning, September 13th, when I woke to what I thought was me peeing the bed. I was SO MAD and discouraged! Seriously- peeing the bed?! I got up, went to the bathroom to finish emptying my bladder and as I was washing my hands I realized that I wasn't peeing and that my water broke. At first, it was a huge relief then I felt excited then came the feeling of, "OH NO!"
What was I going to do? Daddy wasn't home and it was too early to call a friend or neighbor, but I did it anyway. I first called Carolyn Hanson, whose husband Jeff is in the same program as Daddy, with hopes that Jeff would know how to reach Dad somehow. No answer. I called Joleen Reed. No answer. I called Becky Wooten. No answer. I decided to just try Daddy on his cell phone thinking there was no way he'd answer. Miraculously, he answered!! I told him what was happening and he told me that he'd talk to his consultant and call me back. As I waited for Daddy to call back I called Grammy Shar to tell her you were on your way. She was so excited and later said that I sounded super in shock; I was! Dad called back and the first thing he said was, "are you sure you didn't just pee?" I told him I was sure and he said that he'd be on his way.
Meanwhile, I washed my face, brushed my teeth and got Tolman and Addison up so they could get dressed and ready. Carolyn had called back and agreed to meet us at the hospital to pick up the kids and take them back to her house.
Daddy got home about 15 minutes later, gave me a blessing of peace and comfort, I grabbed (of all things) my make-up bag (and nothing else) and we were off.
On the way to the hospital I started to panic thinking of all the things that weren't ready. The carseat wasn't ready, the house was a mess, we didn't have a single diaper in the house, I was going to color my hair that morning and get a pedicure the next morning. All these things!! How was this going to work?! Daddy reassured me that he'd be able to buy what we needed and that it is most important that you had a loving family and warm house to come home to.  He was exactly right but what he was saying didn't really sink in.
We got to the hospital, did the kid trade-off with Carolyn and, in what seemed like no time at all, I was laying in the hospital bed with my IV in.

The Anesthesia team came in (the team that Dad had just left) and prepped me for my epidural. Daddy's consultant allowed him to administer my epidural and, luckily for me (and him), did a great job. I thankfully didn't feel any pain. Emily Sharp, who is also an Anesthesia resident whose hair I cut the day before and who coincidentally happened to be on OB, was the one who held my hand. She was rather surprised to see me there that morning since I had seen her just 12 or so hours before.
Besides a panic episode (after the neonatal team came in to talk to us about possible complications involved with having a pre-term baby), the laboring process was fast and pretty uneventful. Around 9:40 am I was feeling quite a bit of pressure so the midwife checked me and sure enough I was dilated to a 10 and ready to push. I was wheeled down the hall to another room, the midwife and nurses got things set up and when they were ready for me to push, I only had to once or twice and at 9:54 am my little 5 pound 6 ounce, 18.5 inches of perfection was born!!

 Daddy cut the cord and the neonatal team took you to the adjoining room. Your first APGAR score was an 8 and the second was a 9. You were doing great so they bundled you and brought you out to me. Words can't express the feelings I felt as I held you for the first time. I was instantly smitten. You were absolutely perfect and you were mine. I felt like the luckiest person in the world and was overwhelmed with love for my new little bundle.
After a little while, they took me to my room and about an hour later the nurses brought you into see me on your way to your room.

You had to stay in the Special Care Nursery because you were pre-term and needed a little extra care. It was sad not being able to share a room with you, but I spent every moment I could with you in your room.

*I was able to watch you from the TV in my room*

Your room was such a special place with a very neat spirit. At first I wasn't able to hold or take care of you when I wanted. I didn't even change your diaper until you were 2 days old. I sat on the sidelines while I watched the nurses do everything. In a way I was grateful as it seemed super intimidating to take care of someone so small and fragile. You were tiny! In fact, I'd pass the regular nursery on my way to a your room from mine and the babies in there seemed so big! When Addison passed the regular nursery the first time she said, "WHOA! Those babies are giant!" You were just a tiny little peanut.

 *Daddy brought Tolman and Addison to the hospital later that day to meet their new brother*

 *Your brother and sister love you so much!*

After a couple days I got more comfortable holding you and was able to kind of take charge. I changed your diapers and was involved in the decisions. I was only in the hospital for 2 days and you had to stay for a week. Because you had a hard time eating on your own, you had an IV for a few days and a feeding tube for 6.

 *the machine that administered your food through the feeding tube*

 *as I was attempting to nurse you one night you yanked out your feeding tube!*

 *hearing screening*

 *After your IV was removed you got to have your very first bath at 3 days old!*

 *I walked in to see this one morning. Could you be any more adorable?*

Nursing took some work but eventually you got it down and were able to go home! It was hard on the family having you in the hospital because I was at the hospital almost all the time. I even slept there a couple nights with you. We had a lot of help from great friends that I will be forever grateful! It was such a blessing, for so many reasons, to finally have you home.

 *dressed and ready to go*

 *You're so tiny in your car seat*

You've been here for only a short time but have already blessed this home and family with your amazing spirit. There is something about having a newborn in the home that brings an added feeling of love and peace. None of us can get enough of you. We find so much joy in watching your funny and sweet facial expressions, listening to your silly squeaky, grunting or growling sounds and even just watching you sleep. We are mesmerized by you and can't imagine life without you; you have filled a void that we didn't even know was there.
Love you, my sweet Ben!

The past 5 months

(pic courtesy of my orphaned child, Addi)

Sadly, this picture sums up the last 5 months perfectly.

For those of you who still read blogs and don't have a Facebook account (no one), I am PREGNANT. And it has SUCKED. Like, really really bad. I didn't enjoy my other pregnancies and always proclaimed that I have the WORST pregnancies ever, but I'm here to tell you that I had no idea what I was talking about until this one! Now I can truly and honestly say that me and pregnancy DO NOT mix. It's awful! 

February 17th was the day I saw two pink lines on the pee-stick and I was OVERWHELMED with joy and gratitude. Dave and I were so excited to be adding a new little human to our family. 

I had dinner plans that night with a group of gals to celebrate some birthdays and, being the open book that I am, told 2 of my friends that I was expecting. I also told them that we'd have to live it up the next month because then my life would be over. 

My life ended much sooner than anticipated. Within a week I felt like I was at death's door. And I was only 4 weeks! What the heck?!

It is now July and I am feeling much MUCH better (even though I have a whole other list of super appealing pregnancy "symptoms"), so now I am playing catch-up. 

My parents and Jess were in town 2 weeks ago for Tolman's baptism (more on that later) and one night my kids pulled out our published blog books. We looked at them forever and had such a great time taking a trip down memory lane. That night I was inspired to start blogging again. I LOVE my blog books and so do my kids and Dave, surprisingly. It's our only family scrapbook/journal. So what wasn't even on the original list of "things to catch up on after I'm over the 'feeling like I'm dying garbage' phase," is now at the top of my list. All the other things will have to wait while I blog.

With that said, the next bunch of posts are going to be a hodge-podge mix of... something. It could be interesting as I don't really have much of a memory these days- and I have to remember back to the beginning of the year (cause that's where I left off). Pressure.

And for the record, we really are all SO SUPER EXCITED for this little one to be joining our family in October. 

And IT'S A BOY!

On the road again...

The time too quickly came for us to say Goodbye to Sunny AZ. As sad as we were to leave the warm weather, we were super EXCITED to be able to visit UT on our way back to MN!

However, we got off to a SsssssssssLLLOOOWWWWWW start. We hit some serious traffic! It turned out that there was a major car accident. BUMMER! What was also a major bummer (and I really do feel bad for feeling that way) is that OUR CAR was the one that was stopped for life-flight to land. We had front row seats to all the action. We also had to sit there for over an hour. After hearing details of the accident from the officers (it was a motorcycle accident and it seemed the guy had sustained pretty severe neck and head injuries), Dave got out and talked to the paramedics wondering if they needed help securing the patient's airway. Being in Anesthesia, that is one of Dave's main responsibilities in the hospital. Of course he has to intubate his own patients in the OR, but if there is ever a time where an airway can't be secured anywhere in the hospital then an Anesthesiologist is called. Supposedly it can be super tricky. They didn't need Dave; the patient was breathing just fine. But it was pretty cool knowing that Dave had the training necessary to possibly save a life out there.

The helicopter was finally off after loading in the guy... 

and a few minutes later so were we!

On the road AGAIN...

 That long in the car made for some serious BED HEAD for Addi. Such a great look for her!

The kids were amazing troopers during the car ride. They were happy, got along and were pretty good at entertaining themselves. Dave loves road trips. He loves to explore different places and take in all the scenery and different cities and cultures. I, on the other hand, am NOT a fan. I'd much much MUCH rather fly. With that said, I was so proud of my little darlings. They might just be talking after their father in the road-trippin' department. But I have to say that this trip wasn't bad- even for me.

CHRISTMAS!

 What we left for Santa...

Tolman's Christmas List 

*Cars 2*matchbox cars*motor scooter*dippin' dots machine* F150*

Questions for Santa

"Santa what is your favorite part of Christmas?

Santa please tell Nunu if he could come visit us?"

He came!!

What Santa left for us:

 Santa left a note and answered our questions!

 He filled our stockings!

Presents galore!

Addison's favorite present was her EASY BAKE OVEN

Tolman's favorite present was his SPARKING MOTOR SCOOTER

 

I think Santa wanted the suspense to build for Tol because his scooter was in the bathroom! After all the presents under the tree had been opened, I needed some lotion so I asked Tol if he'd grab me some. Lo and behold, there it was. Tol originally thought he got jipped, but was still super grateful and a good sport, but was SO HAPPY to see his scooter waiting for him!  

And don't Addi's EASY BAKE OVEN cupcakes look so appetizing?! Addi made them pretty much all by herself and was so proud of her quarter-sized treats. 

 

After opening presents and eating breakfast we got ready and headed to church. Sacrament was the only meeting held because of the holiday and it was one of the best meetings I've been to. ever. It was so nice to have church on Sunday and really be able to focus on the REAL meaning of Christmas and worship our Savior in a formal way.

This Christmas was one of the VERY best I can remember. Even though it would have been nice to have extended family to spend it with, it was super nice to be with just our little family. It was simple and perfect.

Arizona

One of the major perks of doing residency at The Mayo Clinic is the AWAY ROTATIONS.

Basically, the resident goes to The Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale AZ, Jacksonville FL, or one of it's few sister-hospitals and does a rotation (or two). The kicker is that it's all on Mayo's dime; they pay for travel, housing and a rental car. You actually end up making money in the end. It's an all-around WIN-WIN!

 So anyway, we took advantage of this and Dave did a rotation in Scottsdale during the entire month of December. He ended up driving out there by himself and was able to spend some time with his sister and her family who live in Texas on his way.

 The kids and I flew out and met Dave out in AZ a couple weeks later.

Our time in Arizona was short, but AWESOME! It was so nice to get out of the cold and go somewhere WARM! I mean, swimming outside during the month of December?! It was so great!

The pool & hot tub at the apartment complex we stayed at was so nice! The temps were only in the high 60's so we pretty much had the pool all to ourselves. The locals thought we were crazy swimming when it was so cold, but for us it felt so nice and warm :)

We went hiking on the North Trail on one of Dave's days off. 

Here's Addi {and part of Tol} ready to go into church. This is the birthday outfit that Grammy Shar sent.

The first week we were there, a speaker in Sacrament Meeting was a wife of a newly hired anesthesiologist at one of the practices in the area {which happens to be the 4th largest anesthesia practice in the nation}. We tried to catch up with her husband after the meeting, but weren't able to. So the next week {which happened to be Christmas Day} we tracked him down. He was super nice and ended up taking Dave around a few days later and introduced him to some of the head-honchos in the practice.

It's pretty ironic that I really discouraged Dave from interviewing at Mayo Scottsdale for residency {so he didn't}. I'm NOT a fan of the heat and thinking of living there for 3 or 4 years seemed unbearable. But while we were there I was excited about the prospect of Dave getting a job and living there long-term. Let me just throw in that this whole finding a job thing is STRESSFUL!

MINIATURE GOLFING

Addi was quite the pro for her first {real} time. She got a hole-in-one and came pretty close, as you can see by the picture, to getting another one.

The CHILDREN'S MUSEUM of PHOENIX

The kids and I had a great day at the museum. I decided to go on the day we did because the crew from the Broadway musical 'STOMP' was there to perform and I thought the kids would be totally into it. I was wrong. They got bored but I loved it!

Christmas Tree shopping. It felt a little weird to be buying a Christmas Tree when it was so nice and warm outside.

The ornaments that the kids picked out at Target to put on the tree :) 

We went to see the Christmas lights at the Mesa temple. 

My cousin Michael and his cute family live in the area so we met up with them for dinner one night {no pics} and the moms and kids went to the zoo together a few days later. The kids LOVED the zoo!

CANNONS & NIEDERHOUSERS

A couple other families from Rochester were also in Scottsdale doing away rotations. We all went out one night to the Railroad Park where they had quite the Christmas celebration. We went on a carousel, drank hot chocolate, played on a playground and went on a train ride through a CHRISTMAS WONDERLAND.

Like I said, we were there for Christmas but I'll save that for a separate post. We LOVED our time in Arizona! It was so much fun to get away for a few weeks and have ZERO responsibility outside of family. We get to do another away rotation next year and WE CAN'T WAIT!